Master Crafter

Dark Secrets

Everyone feels uneasy being alone in a dark house, if not downright terrified. Some folks fear that a horrible monster is going to jump out and eat them at any moment. Some (more realistically) believe it'll just be a run of the mill burglar. Who eats them. Or at least burgles them. Still others can't help but feel like they're being secretly watched. At least when you're with others, you know that they're watching you and quietly judging you. But being judged by an invisible specter? Creepariffic.

Most of us do truly terrible and disgusting things all the time, pretty much all day, non stop. We pick our noses, we fart into flower beds, we give crying children dirty looks, we walk right back the starving family holding the cardboard sign, and we feel better about ourselves when we watch a video of an idiot flipping their car over in a parking lot. Yet in public we're presentable, well-behaved, and totally compassionate towards people who aren't them. And it's all a lie. Wouldn't it be amazing if everyone just knew everything that everyone did? "That's a great presentation, Bob. By the way, did you really just take a shit and not wipe?"

But carefully crafted lies are what make the world go around. You would never have sex again if everyone knew that you wear the same pair of underpants for a week. Nobody would invite you to their parties if they knew that you are the one who pisses off the roof. You wouldn't get quite the same respect at work if your coworkers knew that you drink vodka and weep until you pass out every night. But you tell them that you "watched the game", and all of a sudden your golden.

It's so easy. A single lie can make the difference between no friends and all the friends. And does it matter if you jerk off to Angela Lansbury while she solves crimes? Do people need to know that? Is that vital information? What if you rob banks so you can support your heroin addiction? I mean, is that really so bad? As long as you're still playing ball with your kids and giving good customer service, who cares what you do in your spare time?

But when you're alone in the dark, you're being watched. And that secret entity, who is always just beyond your peripheral vision, knows all of your most awful character flaws. It is cataloging that long list. And when you go into your boss's office to ask for a promotion, that terrifying monster will be there, telling him about your illegal music collection.

~Fuzzy